I was already halfway up my mother’s walkway when I realized I hadn’t practiced my smile.
After thirty-six years, you’d think it would come naturally—the polite, harmless curve of the lips that says I’m fine even when you’re not. The kind that looks good enough in photos, even if it never reaches your eyes.
The porch light buzzed above the door, drawing in moths that kept throwing themselves against the glass, desperate to get inside. I understood that feeling more than I wanted to admit. Laughter spilled out every time the door opened—warm, loud, and easy. My mom’s voice rang clear, my brother Mike’s deeper laugh underneath, and the chaotic noise of teenagers—Tyler and his friends. I paused at the last step and tightened my grip on the gift bag in my hand. Inside was a small velvet box—a necklace I had picked weeks ago. A delicate gold lily. Her favorite. I had spent too much time choosing it, imagining her reaction, imagining her smiling and saying, “You always know exactly what I like.” I knew better, but hope doesn’t disappear just because it’s foolish. I forced a smile and knocked.
The door flew open. Tyler stood there, tall and smug, already carrying himself like the world owed him something.
“Oh. You came.”
“Yes. Your grandmother invited me.”
“Just throw your stuff somewhere.”
I stepped inside. The house was crowded, music thumping, voices overlapping, glasses clinking. The air smelled like sugar, fried food, and expensive cologne. For a moment, no one noticed me. It always happened like that—as if I needed time to come into focus. My mom sat at the head of the table, smiling at Tyler like he had hung the stars, proudly telling someone about how gifted he was. I cleared my throat and stepped forward.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Oh. Stephanie. You made it.”
“Of course. It’s your birthday.”
“Put the gift somewhere. We’re doing presents.”
They had already started. Boxes were open, wrapping paper everywhere, Tyler lounging in his chair soaking in attention. I placed my gift quietly on the sideboard next to the cakes, suddenly aware of how small it looked. My brother called out, already flushed from drinking, pulling me toward the table and squeezing me into a seat between strangers. My mom raised her glass and began a toast about how proud she was of her family—her son, her grandson—her voice full of warmth that never quite reached me.
“I love you all.”
