Family can put you through an intense guilt trip. A Reddit user shared her experience of how her father tried to convince her not to pursue college in order to stay home and “help the family.” Now, she’s grappling with the idea that prioritizing her own goals might have been selfish, especially after years of feeling the weight of being the responsible child. She wrote:
As a 19-year-old female, I’ve always been the “responsible daughter” in my family of five.
My older brother dropped out of school and returned home, while my younger sister is still in middle school. I received an acceptance letter from a good out-of-state college, along with a partial scholarship. Although it wasn’t fully covered, I could manage it financially, and I was thrilled to finally have something just for me.
However, my dad wasn’t pleased. He repeatedly suggested, “You should just go to community college and work part-time. We need you here.
Your mom is exhausted. The house needs a clean-up. Your sister looks up to you.” At first, it started off as subtle hints but quickly turned into guilt trips.
I was consistently reminded how “selfish” I was for wanting to leave. The hardest part? He stated, “If you go, don’t expect to come back to this home.”
He meant every word.
As I packed my things, I cried—not out of doubt about my choice, but because I felt like I was being emotionally disowned for wanting more, for not stepping into the role of a second mother for the family. Now, I’m sharing an apartment with a roommate I met just two weeks ago. This roommate supports me more than my dad ever did, and somehow, that feels like a true home compared to the place where I grew up.
Support poured in from others:
“You made the right choice. I’m proud of you for earning that scholarship and breaking free from the burden of being the eldest daughter. You’re building a better future for yourself!
You’ll discover your chosen family who will support your journey. Keep putting yourself first. That sends a strong message to your younger sister.” © AubergineForestGreen / Reddit
“Your dad should learn how to handle household chores.” © CosmoKkgirl / Reddit
“As the eldest in a family of five who didn’t leave when they should have, you did the right thing.
You’re not responsible for them, and guilt is an unfair tactic. Go be free; surround yourself with those who genuinely care about you.” © TheRandomAlphabet / Reddit
“Honestly? Your dad’s behavior is textbook emotional manipulation.” © SoftSmirkz / Reddit
“You’re a kid, not a substitute parent.
Great job on securing that scholarship and not letting it slip by! I’m sorry about your parents’ attitudes, but by leaving, you’re breaking cycles that need to end. Hopefully, your siblings will follow your lead!” © Prior_Pomegranate960 / Reddit
“Good for you!
There’s a crucial difference between being ‘selfish’ and practicing ‘self-care.’ What you’re doing isn’t selfish; it’s laying the groundwork for your success in the future.” © DueWerewolf1 / Reddit
“Parentification is very real. If your mom is so tired, your dad needs to take more responsibility. They are the parents, not you.
Congrats on your freedom. I know people who stayed in those roles and ended up not having kids because they were forced to raise siblings when they weren’t ready.” © MallUpstairs2886 / Reddit
“I have college-age children, and I can’t imagine not wanting the very best for them. I feel for you.
Sending you a big warm hug.” © 3kota / Reddit
“We’re all your family now and will cheer you on! Cheers to you starting your exciting new college journey. Remember to eat, sleep, study, and have fun while making new friends who could become your chosen family.
