Eight months after losing my wife of 43 years, I thought the worst the quiet could do was keep me company—until a freezing Thursday in a Walmart parking lot, when I gave my winter coat to a shivering young mother and her baby. I figured I’d never see them again.
I’m 73, and ever since my wife, Ellen, died, the house has sounded wrong. Not peacefully quiet—more like a hollow kind of silence that settles in your bones and makes the refrigerator hum feel like a fire alarm.
For 43 years, it had been just us.
Morning coffee at the wobbly kitchen table. Her humming while she folded laundry. Her hand finding mine in church, one squeeze when the pastor said something she liked, two when she was bored. The kind of ordinary life you don’t realize is extraordinary until it ends.
We never had children. Not because we didn’t want them, not exactly. Doctors, bad timing, money problems, one surgery that didn’t go as planned—and eventually it was just easier to say, “It’s you and me against the world, Harold,” like Ellen always did. “And we’re doing just fine.”Now the rooms feel too big. The bed feels colder. Some mornings I still make two cups of coffee before I catch myself and pour one down the sink.
Last Thursday, I took the bus to Walmart for groceries. Canned soup, bread, bananas, and half-and-half—the brand Ellen liked. I don’t even use cream, but habits cling harder than people do.